Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
