Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
