I just saw a hot homeless man
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
