cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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