I wanna passion pit in your ass
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
