good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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