I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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