nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
