After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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