wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's the barista slut.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
