What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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