I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
