Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
