Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
