My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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