so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When did angry sex become our thing?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
