She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
