why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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