i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
