I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
