to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
