id be glad to
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
