I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
