I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you would pick up someone in the library
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
