i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
ttyl tear gas
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
