The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
