What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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