my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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