Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No subtext here. People are naked.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
