and you said cock pushups were impossible
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
