insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
