I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
