He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
