Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
