what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
