Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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