He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
