Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
