God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
