There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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