I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize