She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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