two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
