Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
