halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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