There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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