i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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