I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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