Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
