Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
