She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
