I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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