I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
