i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
