Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
