love makes seman taste better
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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