Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
