Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
