My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
