We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
