He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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