you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
