I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
