I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
