i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
