I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
