I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
