Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
